


wishing it all away

by madeintheharrylouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Love, M/M, Sad, kind of like derek shepards death?, major death, this ones really bad sorry, very short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 18:38:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5881384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madeintheharrylouis/pseuds/madeintheharrylouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>losing that one special is worst than death itself. especially losing that someone to death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	wishing it all away

They are all supposed to be heading off to a road trip in the mountains. They are supposed to be going camping and spending the best night together. It was planned months ago. 

But within two months Harry and Louis got into a huge fight. And everything is called off. They haven't spoken since the two months since their fight.

Harry doesn't know why he's so angry with Louis. He guesses it's just because he was sick of him always drinking, always being high. He would always depend on Harry to just be there for him. Maybe he just wanted somebody to be mad at. And he was the best option right then.

Of course Harry was always there for him. But the one day Harry needed Louis, he couldn't be there. So he got pissed off. He just felt so hurt and betrayed. He felt stupid. He feels stupid that he believed Louis actually loved him. He didn't love Harry, he loved how he treated him.

But then again, Harry knows that isn't true. Louis did show love to Harry more than anything. He just doesn't want to look at it that way anymore. 

Harry is sensitive and Louis tried to apologize. He tried to get Harry back, but he's stubborn. Once he gets hurt, he doesn't want to let that person back in.

Harry knows that it shouldn't be a big deal. But Harry being the person he is today, it is a big deal. He isn't a very open, trustworthy person. 

But he knows it's different with Louis. He just doesn't know what to do. 

So he stands outside Louis' door. It's been over an hour. He just stares at it. 

Liam has been hanging out with Louis and Niall has been with Harry.

Niall keeps telling Harry that he's overreacting, and he knows he is. He just feels hurt more than anything knowing the man he loves couldn't be there for him when he needed him. 

It's just how his brain works. He doesn't know why, and he hates that he is like this. 

The door swings open and he jumps as Louis screams. 

Once Louis catches his breath, he stares at Harry like he's a stranger. Maybe that's what they are now. 

"What are you doing here?" Louis asks gently. 

Harry almost tears up at the sound of his voice. He missed it so much. 

He doesn't know why he is here either. Actually, it's because he missed him. He missed him so much. But he's still hurt. He's hurt either way, being with him, or not being with him. 

Harry just gulps, looking down at his hands. 

"You know I'm sorry," Louis says, opening the door a bit wider, "You know I'm always here for you, and I'm sorry I wasn't there that one night. I know you feel that anger towards me, like you did with Niall that one night when he wouldn't let you join us in that game of beer pong," Louis tries to make a joke, and Harry absolutely hates that he actually fucking laughs, "But Harry, really. I can't put my apology enough into words, knowing how you are. But I'm trying." 

Harry looks back up at Louis who is staring at him like he just spoke out everything he had. And he knows Louis is right. He knows he can't be mad at him. 

"My dad came home," he whispers out quietly. 

Harry hasn't seen his dad since he was ten years old. Louis knew all about him. How he left one night without any warning. And he just showed up out of nowhere, absolutely nowhere, and Harry was terrified. 

He went to Louis' house and he had some of his lads over, watching the footy game drunk. Harry never minded when he spent time with them, but he asked him if he could just spare one night. 

He remembers it clearly. 

_Harry is shaking walking up to Louis' door. He actually just saw the man he believed left his family abandoned because of him. His own father._

_He knocks on the door and it takes a while and lots of noise until a drunk Louis comes up. He's not even that drunk._

_"Harry!" He laughs, kissing his cheek quickly, "What brings you here?"_

_Harry can't smile, not even at the touch of his lips. He takes a deep breath. "My dad came home."_

_Louis chuckles. "But I didn't come to your house, silly."_

_Harry stares at him. Does he really have to make jokes now? "Louis, I'm serious. My dad is here. He came to see me."_

_He nods, before reaching out to stroke Harry's arm. "That's good, really good. But the game is really intense now, you know that. Can't I finish watching it? Then we can talk, I can come with you to see him?"_

_He can't believe what he is hearing. Louis can't miss one stupid footy game? Over something so incredibly important to Harry? He has no fucking words._

_"Are you joking me?" He asks shaking his head._

_Louis sighs, looking back towards the group and T.V.. "Look, come watch it with us, get your mind off it. Then-"_

_"No," Harry shakes his head some more, "I can't believe you literally won't be with me when I need you...over football."_

_Louis gives him a sad look. "You know it's not like that. I'm just trying to help you out."_

_"But that's not what I asked, Louis. I asked you to be with me, and I didn't fucking mean in your house with all those other drunk lads screaming at a television screen."_

_Louis nods. "I know, I know. I just don't know what you want me to do. Talk to your dad? What would I possibly say? I'm your son's boyfriend and you're a real prick? Go rot in hell?"_

_He huffs. "Forget it," he turns around, anger boiling inside of him. He can't believe this._

_"Harry-"_

_"No. This is ridiculous. I ask you for a favor one night, and you won't even take it seriously. You always do this to me, Lou. Always. But this time was it's worst," he snaps before hurrying into his car. He drives off without even looking back._

Louis tried nonstop to talk to Harry. Came to his house, called him, tried to even break in a few times. Harry wouldn't look at him. 

He didn't even go back home to his dad. He couldn't face him without Louis. It hurt him that he wasn't able to speak things with his dad, either. 

"I know he did," Louis frowns, "And I acted like such a fucking idiot. You know sometimes I don't think properly about situations. I wish I could take it back, but I couldn't. I know you are hard on trusting people, so I probably blew it up in your face."

Harry nods slowly. It's true. He didn't trust Louis, really. He just believed in him. 

"I still love you, you old chap, you know that, right?" Louis asks with a small smile. 

Harry licks his lips. He still loves Louis. More than anything. He hates that he can't let something as stupid as this go. 

He knows if he stays there any longer, he'll break even more. He turns around, walking to his car. He steps in, watching Louis head to his own car as well with a large frown on his face. 

He thinks back to the very first time Louis told him that he loved him.

_"You're really funny, actually. And you know that's the biggest compliment I can give, because I'm basically the funniest person ever," Louis chuckles as they walk down the sand on the beach._

_"Pretty sure you're just mocking me," Harry chuckles, looking down at their feet walking in sync._

_"True. But that was actually funny. The look on Liam's face! I can't believe you would say something so mischievous. Guess you really are taking in after me."_

_Harry shakes his head, looking at Louis. He looks absolutely beautiful in the moonlight._

_Louis looks at him. "What?" He asks catching Harry's stare._

_He just shrugs. "Nothing."_

_Louis then stops walking. He looks at the moon before looking back at Harry._

_"I love you, you know."_

_Harry feels his heart beating fast. Because did Louis really just say that?_

_"I-"_

_"You don't have to say anything, Harry. I just want you to know that I love you. Very much, in fact. You are a bundle of joy, you make me happy, so of course, I love you. And once again, that's probably the biggest thing I can say to someone, because I'm not the best person on giving out my love."_

_Harry smiles softly. If he continues staring and smiling he'll break his face or something, so he leans in to kiss Louis._

Harry drives away. If only he knew that'd be the last he saw him. 

...

You ever feel like your entire world is stopped? Like it's just frozen, and you're shattering along with it? 

Have you ever felt a heartbreak so bad you couldn't see? You couldn't hear? You couldn't breathe?

Harry just stared at the officers talking before him. The only thing he heard is, "You're closest with Louis Tomlinson from what we see. There's been an accident."

They are talking to him. But he doesn't know what to do. He can't fucking do anything. 

The last time you told that special someone you loved them. Did you mean it? Did you want it to last forever? Harry did. More than anything. He thinks back to the last time. The last proper time he let those words out of his mouth for Louis. 

_"Stop now!" Harry shouts sprinting on top of the hill._

_Louis is like a fucking ape. He has the cake in his hands from Harry's birthday party. Harry knew immediately what he was doing, so he took off, and Louis of course followed._

_They escaped the party._

_Harry turns to run down the hill, but he's clumsy. And dumb. So he falls down the hill, hard. He rolls on the hard ground, somersaulting before landing with a hard huff. He lands on his side._

_He groans loudly as Louis hurries down to him. He places the cake on the ground, going to turn Harry on his back._

_"You're so fucking stupid! Why would you go to turn like that on top of a hill? You know you have two left feet! What if you were to break your arm on your stupid birthday? What if you twisted your neck? What if-"_

_"Are you done?" Harry asks sitting up. He chuckles at Louis' facial expression._

_He sighs, "Are you alright?"_

_Harry smiles. "Never better."_

_"No cake to the face?" Louis asks, frowning._

_"I wouldn't mind if you did it to yourself. That'd be a good birthday present."_

_Louis rolls his eyes, reaching to the cake. He puts frosting on his finger, lifting it up to his lips. He smears it on them. He then just stares at Harry._

_Harry makes a questioning look, chuckling a little. "Um?"_

_He shrugs. "What's wrong?"_

_He looks at Louis like he's insane. Well, Louis is insane. But he's so fucking weird._

_"What are you doing?"  
_

_"I don't understand," Louis says completely innocently. He's so good at acting._

_Harry sighs. "Cake. The frosting on your lips."_

_Louis widens his eyes, chuckling a little. "Is there really? Oh dear. I also have a very dry tongue right now, so I can't lick them off. Can you help me?"_

_Harry stares at him. Louis is so fucking unbelievable. He shakes his head, leaning in and kissing Louis on the lips. Louis basically purrs, making Harry chuckle in the kiss._

_Harry smiles as he pulls away. "You're incredibly annoying, but I still love you more than anything."_

_Louis nods. "Good. Then you won't be mad at me about this."_

_He grabs the cake, smashing it in Harry's face._

He can feel his body breaking down. He can't control himself. 

He just turns around, ignoring the officers. He gets his keys and he pushes past them, hurrying into his car. He drives so fast until he reaches Niall's house. Where him and Liam are currently both at. 

He's not thinking. He doesn't even know why he is going here, or how. He can't feel his body. He just feels like he is floating away. 

He doesn't knock, he just walks in. 

He slowly approaches them, making them scream. 

"Harry! You scared us! You look like a ghost," Niall chuckles. 

They keep talking and screaming while playing whatever. He feels like a ghost. Is he even breathing?

Harry's heart is beating faster than it ever could. A bad kind of fast. 

Not the heart beat he got when he was with Louis. That exhilarating rush he would get with him. That he knew he wanted to live his life loving Louis to the second he took his own last breath.

He has to say the words out loud. He has to say it to know it.

He stares at the floor.

Harry says the words. Louis is dead. No one is hearing him. He doesn't even know if it came out of his mouth.

It felt like he screamed it to everyone but he knows he didn't.

"Louis is dead," he says out loud this time but barely audible.

"Did you say something?"

He looks up. He has to scream it. He has to fucking say it. "Louis. He's dead"

He doesn't remember much. Everything is sort of a blur.

He knows he was walked over to a chair. They were speaking to him but nothing was coming out for him to hear. He just barely saw movement.

"Harry!" He finally snaps when Niall takes his face in his hands, shaking as hard as he can. 

Harry just inhales the deepest breath he ever has before, like he was drowning and finally just came back to surface. 

But he still feels like he's dying. 

"What did you just say?" Niall asks. He's shaking. Liam is staring at Harry. He's shaking as well, but worst. 

"Louis is dead."

Everything goes silent. Everyone backs off into their own space. No one can do anything. No one can talk, speak, or even breathe. 

Harry just continues trying to catch his breath, but nothing is working. 

Louis is dead. 

Harry's heart starts beating again. But with each beat it fucking hurts. It hurts like hell and he just wants it all to stop. 

_He wasn't able to tell him that he loved him one last time._


End file.
